My faith is being tested. Is it just me or do things get much worse when we pray?
I remember so vividly when my mom was in the hospital literally 5 years ago and I would fast and pray harder than I had ever done in my whole life for God to heal her and give us a little more time but God took her.
I remember when I finally got an interview after 50+ rejections and all those 5 massive jobs I got interviewed, some 2 rounds, it went very well, I prayed and fasted and God said no. I got rejected.
I’ve been trying for a baby for 5 months now but all tests have said no, week after week…
I don’t know anymore.
God please stop breaking my heart. I don’t know what lesson I need to learn, I don’t know what your Will is but it hurts, it sure hurts.
If you asked me at 20 where I’d be at 36, I would never imagine I’d be so miserable…
I’m struggling to keep the faith, the hope, the desire and will to live… I drown in my our tears each night.
Ok, that sound incredible but not accurate, I did start boxing, I mean I went to a boxing class, one, and I loved it. So, I’m going to another one this week and then hopto another free trial in another gym because I can’t afford it! That’s my latest craze in trying to lose some weight man!
This morning I literally cried/prayed out loud on some “God, I’m tired of being fat, it’s so uncomfortable”
I’m so defensive about it too, I sort out those people who comment about my weight, so fast, that they are left dazed, confused and just embarrassed after my slapbacks. I’m sorting them out for the next person they try to kill.
Here’s some of my glorious slapbacks : A fat cleaner from work: Yoo, you are now officially fat! Me: Maths killed you way back in school but now you can measure me with your eyes. What weight did you and I agree on? I don’t remember us signing an agreement on what weight I must be.
A fat colleague: No no, you must reduce the weight now. Me: I want to get to your size
My brother in law: Eh, look at that massive arm, is that you? Me: It’s what having money does to me you know.
My aunt: Am I seeing right, you look like you gained weight? Me: Should I be disrespectful and respond or must I ignore you? My aunt: Do whatever you like Me: Ok, I’ll ignore you.
Please note that she is the same person who told me 4 months ago that she want me to have a baby for her because she is retiring at the end of 2024! You can tell the age right? This generation of dinosaurs must be taught how to talk to people, we can’t keep excusing it for ” it’s the old generation”! Fuck no!
Me: This is the reason I do not make time to see you because you like being insensitive, this is rude and you know how such comments land. As a woman yourself, you know it hurts. My aunt: No, at least I’m not saying you look sick. Me: So it’s a compliment? My aunt: Yes, it’s a compliment Me: Well thanks I guess.
All in all, yes, I have gained at least an astonishing 12 kg since being in a happy relationship with Untitled. So technically, it’s his fault! Happy relationship weight has me unintentionally doing as least 3 ab crunches everything I want to get up, it’s really bad. I had to buy new clothes guys, I’m busting out the seams! We go out a lot and most of it includes drinking and eating. I’m fully aware of my weight gain and I HATE it when people come and remind as if I don’t live with myself!! It’s always the fat people who gatekeep the entrance to being fat… why???? Gosh I hate it. What if I want to be fat?
Stop making comments about people’s bodies, you don’t know what battles they are fighting on a daily basis.
The truth is that I am trying, I’m trying so damn hard that I had quit alcohol for 40 days. It was so hard! It IS hard. I plan to drink only when I’m celebrating something, like Untitled‘s birthday and that’s it. Only on special events, and no, surviving hell (this job) is not a special event. Speaking of hell, I had another interview, which went well. I haven’t heard any feedback from the company I interviewed with 2 weeks back. Ag! Anyway, the weekend isn’t a special event either.
I’m trying my best!
Y’all know I do crazy diets for weight loss and I’ve told on myself on numerous blogs here but we have a new challenge. I’m trying to get pregnant but I’m trying to lose weight. Oh gosh, being a woman!
I think I might be infertile which is so depressing. I’ve been off contraceptives for months now and I have no bun in the oven, but also my period hasn’t come back, I’m 82 days late, now THAT IS NOT NORMAL…. I’ll make another blog post but gosh, I didn’t know getting pregnant wasn’t easy. Even after my gyne visit, he sees nothing stopping me from getting pregnant but here I am, no baby, no period…
Oh Larney! 