On Saturday there was yet another kiddies party that my 3 year old niece had to attend. That girl is booked and busy. Every weekend she has a party to go to, and because she is the current fav, being the young one, we take her wherever she needs to go. She has 3 mommies who tag along everywhere.
I was already in a bad mood, thanks to mean sis. If I didn’t have older sis alcohol with me I would have cancelled! I told mean sis we need to separate before we become enemies and she said I hate her and I’ve always hated her and that I prefer strangers over family. ………..Woooosahhhh!
Back to the kiddies party, Pumpkin my niece wanted nothing to do with me, unless I helped her take off shoes or put them back on because there were a lot of kids around, she didn’t have time for at all for me.
Apple Head asked to see me, no. Gentle giant asked to see me, no.
Spent the whole day sulking. There were bikers who wanted to take us for rides, I’m a huge bike fan and when I was offered the opportunity I declined. I really wasn’t about to switch up and smile while I was in a shitty mood.
Some girl, one of my sister’s million in laws sat next to me and yap yap yapped. She went on and on about careers and basically asked me why I’m loyal to my shitty company (she has experience with it too) … I had no response because it only looks like loyalty because I’m here but I’m here because I’m stuck. I think my HR bad mouths me whenever they ask about me for reference so that I don’t get hired elsewhere or something. I really don’t know. Basically This girl was offering me a job. You’ll say I’m being educationalist ( totally made that word up- huge irony considering where I’m going with this word LMMO) but this girl has NQF 5! And not to brag, I’m working on NQF 8! Anway, I was sold but didn’t want to seem eager so I was nodding and sipping! I think she was drunk though because she basically told me she is sleeping her way to the top! LMMO!
Anyway… There’s something happening in my career, major growth that’s happening. I feel it like tremors, major changes are coming and I can’t wait! Things are going great with my part time job, given the opportunity I’d love to do it full time. Not sure that’s where I’ll venture to- If I do go into this one, I’m going the academia route, really, I’m going to do my PhD! Dr Larney really does sound fantastic! Or maybe the gig with the former learner- If I do go into this one, I’ll be a senior of the board of directors of a medical/pharmaceutical lab! Or this drunk in law – If I do go into this one, I’ll be chowing Gov money! LMMO! Either way, 2022 will not be the same career wise! So many Changes in my life!
So we planned on meeting Friday after work… and Friday after work, we met. LMMO. Let me say that he doesn’t have a name yet, still, but if you put a gun to my head to give him one right now I’d say… Sweetheart. Honestly, he must be the sweetest biggest communicator I’ve ever met in my life… Ok if you’ve read even one of my posts you’d know the bar is set on zero or whatever but he was a sweet guy, that’s honestly what comes to mind. Not sure If we should leave him as Untitled or title him Untitled or Sweetheart….? What do you think?
Back to the date. No, the meet and greet, he was very adamant on calling it that on text. what time is our MEET and GREET? What do you think we must do for our MEET and GREET? Knowing me and my past traumas, I got triggered. i asked him why he’s emphasising it’s a MEET and GREET. He said he’s big on defining things. I just said ok and took that as a hint to take my card, as usual, incase I want to eat and drink and he starts sweating or something! Wouldn’t you think that it’s a hint that he’s not paying …? no?? Well to me it meant he wanted to meet me and greet me and that’s it.
Fridays always have a buzz, so in the last hour at work, I decide to put on some ‘make up’, the eyes because we still have to wear masks and lips, when the masks are off.
Drove to the agreed upon restaurant and ordered a drink. See?? I had to bring my purse with, in case I got stood up! Men deserve no trust. He texted me that he’d be a little late as he was only leaving his office then, apologised profusely and promised to make it up. Uhmm… ok people pleaser. As I’m having the last sip, in he walks. He waits a bit and I take the hint he wants a hug. I go oblige and I already imagine us naked in bed… He’s a little chub, not a deal breaker. We sit and drink and somehow 2 hours fly by! He was in a relationship for 15 years! married for a year…. now divorced. ?He said they just grew apart. Yikes!
I went to powder my nose, who am I kidding, I went to pee, pee like a horse, the drinks were just flowing straight through me. Even though I had a big lunch, I wanted something to eat. When I told him I had had a big lunch, I was being honest but when he said he had also had a big lunch I took it as a hint that he didn’t have money or want to pay for food, so I ordered food anyway. I offered him some on my plate and he had some…. 👀👀👀
He ordered 4 jager bombs as an apology for being late. LOL! Those shooters started knocking on my vagina, ok maybe mostly because we were talking about sex and he didn’t come across as a perv because I was smitten. You know when a hott man calls you beautiful its flirting but when an ugly one does the same it’s creepy? Yeah! We were flirting. There was a little bit of hand holding as his hands were magically warm.. THE ENTIRE TIME! Magic! So the hand touching was nice. That also knocked on my vagina. I told him I last had sex four years ago, big fat lie, and that is because men don’t know how to fuck. They want to just stick it in after two kisses. He was taken aback, but it’s true. NONE of the men I’ve been with have ever made me cum. It always lies with me to ‘finish the job’. I told him that, partly because I want him to up his game, if he has any.
We still have a curfew due to covid restrictions and so the waiter put the bill on the table, right by him…. The moment that will determine if I’d ever see him again or not… It would be awkward because we have a wine tasting thing booked for next week already…. He takes the bill and asks for the machine…. I offered to split ( I REALLY CAN’T HELP IT) and he says ‘nah, I’ve got this’. That should be enough right? NAH! Not for your girl, I dare ask – are you sure? Ladies and the occasional gent who reads my stupid blog, he passed the test!! He didn’t even entertain it like the other losers who were like – yeah lets split, or- you can pay it all…… Bunch of ass rubbish shits!
He pays the bill. No drama. And I want to fuck him right there. Mean sis texts to see if I’m not kidnapped. I text her I’m good, and smitten and think he’s cute even though not my usual type. I like them light and he’s dark and dressed very ok. Track pants and matching top and sneakers…. he did say it’s not a date. I’ll judge him next week on the real date! Ok I also wore sneakers so I’ll let it slide a bit. As we walk out, mean sis called and said it’s getting late and that I shouldn’t be too excited. sigh! We walk to the cars and we hug. I didn’t give him an open window to go for the kiss because even though the hand holding was nice, it didn’t have electricity!
I drive off first, I didn’t see his car but based on how he complimented mine, I drive a better car. That sucks because in such cases, he will want us to use mine for whatever! Girls treat their cars like babies, men treat them like toys. So it’s not nice to allow your car to be treated like a toy when all you want is to kiss it and be nice to it. He must forget though…. We’ll use his wheelbarrow for everything… I had an ex who’d say – I wish I could drop you off and take your car for a spin. NO!!!! The same ex conned me out of thousands… Long story. So cars trigger me!
When I get on the freeway he calls and says he wants to know how I felt about the evening… That’s a first for me. I’m honest and report that I had a great one and even more eager to meet again next week. He goes into detail of how wonderful it was and how he stole glances at me when I was walking to the restrooms. He told me how beautiful I look, what a great body I have and how divine I smell. He told he didn’t think I’d be as short but that it’s a pleasant surprise. DETAILS you guys, DETAILS! Meanwhile all I basically said was – it was nice. LMMO!!! I like that I don’t have to guess what he thinks, it’s refreshing.
I get home and mean sis asks how it was. Me: it was such a pleasan-… mean sis: Don’t get excited. ME: ok, I’m drunk, I’m gonna sleep. Next morning…. Mean sis: any pictures? Me: yeah, it’s so blurry, lol, I had a good night and HE PAID!! She looks at the pic and says: he’s not cute. I just see a human here. Me: ok. Mean sis: when I was telling you about the date with my friend’s ex you didn’t want to hear it but now I must listen to you about yours…. ME: Ag just drop it.
Insert full blown fight.
Wait, just to be clear, I had a great night. There weren’t fire works but I did find myself imagining myself kissing him. Did I tell you he’s going to therapy? Impressive! We agreed to keep my male bestie in the dark until we decide what this is… I’m a blabber mouth and I told him that we went out and had a good time.
I’m so glad I spill my guts here often because when those random people pop up in my life after months, you already know about them! Remember my former learner who was organising a role for me but my former colleague took it? The people involved in The big shhhhhhh! series? Yes him again…. How could you forget? It was a whole season of doom and gloom and y’all kept me company, much needed! Misery really does love company. Anyway! He and everyone else, my former colleague too, all resigned from that mine. He apparently had 2 heart attacks, luckily minor, and my former colleague had a nervous breakdown! It was bad. I dodged a bullet, I was so hurt when the deal didn’t go through. I cried for 40 days and 40 nights, not knowing God really had my back. Anyway! My former learner, Devvi, has yet another major role in a new company as a lab director!!! This guy has NQF 5 qualifications and I’m working on getting to NQF 9! But we know the rules of the world are put only for the oppressed.
I had a chat with him about this, well not the unfair part of life, but the fact that I still want to leave this hell hole. He said I must get ready, it will happen soon! This time, I feel it… last time I was desperate, well I still am… just a little less desperate but still eager you know. In his words… ‘Give it a month or 3 and you are in my friend’! I believe it guys, and all the tarot cards I’ve been pulling confirm this! LMMO, I’m an up and coming chakra hun remember.
I know last time I started to pack my office but this time I’m not only packing, I’m giving people who give me shit, shit! I’m a little rebellious and it’s so liberating to fight back! Manager being unrealistic? Find a professional way to say fuck you!
I hope I really do get this one! I have a full time role and a part time one. I’ve been in the full time job role for almost 4 years and I started having it 3 months into it, if not day 1. The part time job I’ve had for a month but already I wish I it were my full time role. I’m not one to nag (LMMO!!!!!!! that’s a lie, i nag ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!) but I really hate it here. I hate my job, unfortunately I’m super good at it! I hate my colleagues, unfortunately I can fake being civil and cordial all day but I’m tired! I want to scream. You know things are very bad if one prefers to go for the unknown instead of staying put with the devil they know!
This reminds me…… I haven’t reviewed my vision board!!!!!!!! It’s overdue by a month, ok that’s exaggeration. It’s overdue by 9 days. Must revisit it though. I have a date tomorrow, all of a sudden I’m nervous. This is odd, I’m never nervous! He made plans and booked us tickets to go wine tasting next week but felt it’s too far so we are meeting tomorrow! So after tomorrow, Mr Untitled will have a name!
I told mean sis and she said the sooner I meet him, the sooner I realise I’m wasting my time!
Job changes, relationship status changes…? Changes coming!
It usually takes something as small as tripping on the smooth floor beneath my flat boots, to make me want to slit my wrists. Usually the default mood and general state of my mind, when I’m alone, in my truest element, without a mask, is gloom. I’m so used to hating my existence that when I reset my brain, by waking up, I miraculously get deeper in my hole of depression. That’s the norm. I’ve lived in darkness so long that it really is my norm. Give me dark humour anyday!
I’m not medicating, not seeing a professional, not slitting my wrists either… Nothing! I’m just being my usual self, comfortable in metaphorically oversized hoodies and shades. Love and need the shades because when light hits my eyes (soul) it hurts, feeling nothing is better than hurt. For some reason, this doesn’t hurt anymore, in fact the shades are too dark that I can’t see where I’m going. I’ve taken them off. trying to feel and see everything. This excites me as I can pass off the fact that I deliberately put myself in danger as ‘living’. From the outside I look adventurous and fun by bungee jumping but internally I want the rope to snap!
I do picture happiness… In my head happiness is waking up NOT HAVING TO COME TO THIS PIECE OF SHIT JOB! Waking up naturally, not from an alarm that causes a daily panic attack, waking up from the sun in my face, not mean sis blasting the bath tub water and throwing my dry laundry on my bed as I lay in it still!!! Waking up naturally with the sun in my face and seeing a hot cup of coffee on my bedside, not the usually empty wine glass I leave. Waking up naturally with the sun shining on my face and a hot cup of coffee on my bed side and a note from my husband saying he has gone to get breakfast. Then I drape on my silk gown and fluffy slippers as I sip the cup made with love and I peek in the twins bedroom and realise they aren’t in bed. Then I spot the note from hubby saying he took them with so I could sleep peacefully. Then I get in the shower, my shower that has 5 shower heads blasting from different direction. The perfect temperature is one bottom away, set to my preference and linked to the perfect playlist! Then 30 minutes later I hop out, lotion up and get dressed in those lounge wear that looks good on nice bodies only… because I do have a sexy body and head downstairs to find the hubstar and rascals unpacking a breakfast spree. Then he heads over for a kiss and it turns a bit too long and passionate so the kids yell eeeeeeeuuuu!
Then I call my sisters, mean one too, because I miss them and organise a braai. Meat on the grill, clean pool, drinks flow and no one fights with the other. The cousins hear this and also head over. Most sleep over because there’s so much room and sunday we make breakfast that turns to lunch and everyone leaves. Then I start packing because we have a trip to Santorini the next morning.
Santorini for 2 weeks. Paris for 2 weeks…
Shuu, I’m getting lost in my fairytale.
The end of the dream for now.
Reality is that Untitled called, for about 2 hours and said he feels like next week is too far for us to meet, which I agree. So we are meeting Friday. We click. But I feel like he’s more scared than me to enter the dating/relationship waters especially after his marriage lasted a year only, even though they dated for 9 years or something… There’s no perfect recipe in these things innit?? Anyway, I’m seeing Apple Head Thursday and Untitled on Friday… I must weigh out the pros and cons. Apple Head- been there, done that. But it’s the familiarity that makes me relax and leave him to touch me and the arms that feel like home. Untitled is a clean slate, we click and I want to give him a fair chance…. Out with the old in with the new? I know judging both will mean losing both. We don’t want that.
Last week Apple Head asked if he could see me and I said he could provided he bought me flowers. The set date arrived and passed like the wind and he apologised 2 or so days later. Then he asked for an extension and I granted him. Yesterday he came through, new better car, thank goodness, and delivered chocolate. Not the expensive one, and no flowers in sight! Men stay disappointing. I have to admit that seeing him, hugging him, all felt like home! A home with no gifts!!!! (me trying to convince my lady parts to not do it even though I’ve decided against my better judgement that I’m going to sleep with him). It felt good kissing him, being in his arms… I just realised I’ve lost my whore ways because I didn’t even think of touching his penis! LMMO that move used to be my go to! Wow I’m such a good girl now! Anyway we kissed in the car, it was passionate, and made me melt (wet), it could also be the fact that I had not kissed anyone passionately while being sober in a long time!! Untitled bought us tickets to a wine tasting event, I wonder if I’ll kiss him…!
I took the chocolate and nagged about the flowers and apparently they will come.
I got back in the house and mean sis said “It’s been 4 years, he probably has a wife and he’s bored and you never know, that car could be borrowed to bring that cheap chocolate. You know my colleague said that one sucks, the mint one is better.”
My cousin had a birthday party for her 3 year old, technically that was the reason we made it there. Why we were drunk and dancing like there was no tomorrow….I blame covid! Prior to driving with mean sis to get to the party, I had my first class. Lecturing at a university and let me tell you, being a student doesn’t mean you stop being an adult. Those students complain and nag and nag and complain! I made it clear I’m NOT taking any nonsense. You want to study? You put in the effort. One was telling me he had 4 hours sleep in 51 hours…. How’s that my problem?? Wow! Anyway, because of technical difficulties… not a lot was covered but I gave them an assignment anyway! You can imagine the hysteria! LMMO. Then I went to drink at a kiddies party and danced until I felt my wig getting too warm! I want to point out that me and my 2 sisters, supported my cousin the host and her 2 sisters even though last month my niece also turned 3 and we had a party and only 1 of them came! Then on sunday, the very next day, only one came to my older niece and nephew’s confirmation lunch. We were all babalazed (hung over) from Saturday. Me and my sisters made it to church, I even had class prior to that, great turn around I must say, then my sister had to do all the cooking and then the lunch happened. My cousins, only one came. Am I making a non issue an issue here…? I think not. I didn’t tell my sisters this observation but I definately noted it!
I was so busy that I wasn’t even checking my phone! When my male bestie match aka ‘Untitled’ called me, I questioned if I really wanted to date. It feels like an inconvenience to check up on people, and now I must actually partake? Ag I don’t know. He was so sweet though, I apologised for neglecting him. We want what we have and when we get it (sort of), we want something else….. humans! Can’t please them!
At the confirmation lunch, my cousin who’s in love with me came. Mean sis took his shades off his face and wore them, that’s fine. Then when we were at the table and people were giving speeches, mean sis is busy taking 1 million selfies. It was so inappropriate but I let it go. Later when we were chilling and drinking and still she’s taking selfies, I must point out that she was so chuffed it was Gucci. I know I’m shallow but I’m not a snob. She literally only respects people based on how much money they splurge of shit. So I finally snap because the sun is down and she’s still busy taking selfies and asking anyone to take pictures of her and I said ‘enough with the shades”. Boy did i light a fire. She went on about how jealous I am. Jealous??? LOL. I told her I’m helping her stop looking like a bimbo and her conclusion is that I’m jealous! We had a whole fight the whole drive back to my prison with her. I told her I’m tired of being referee to her and older sis and one day they will regret it. ‘Whatever oh please you’ll kill yourself, is that a treat?’ She said. I’m suicidal, that’s my default setting but I’m not going to kill myself, I want to move abroad so bad!!!!!!!!!! UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEAR ME! I’ll settle for a different province. When we got ‘home’ aka prison she still didn’t stop. Lover cousin had come with a new car, I congratulated him and said he must give it to me for a week and he agreed because he’s whipped. Did mean sis not compare the car situation with the shades? She was like “when you compliment him on the car it’s fine but when I compliment him on the shades I’m a groupie?’ You know what, reliving this is exhausting.
I got in bed, cried myself to sleep. The end.
I’m launching ‘Operation free Larney’ as off today! Well I’m just sending it out to the universe for today but I’m so tired. Why must I endure mean sis? Why?? Why must I be the one to watch what I say? Why must I be my sister’s keeper? Why must I avoid going home? Why must I deal with her? Why must I live with her??? Slowly resenting each other because a household can’t have 2 bosses. I also want to have my own haven. A place to hid away from the world. A place of peace…
Dating is honestly the pits. I opened up my life (not heart, because I don’t have one) to old rubbish! I adjusted my …uhm… zip ( the button on my pants popped and the fly is open wink wink!) when I reconnected with 2 exes this past month! What did these 2 men do?? Nothing new, same old disappointments! Apple head wanted to see me yesterday, he called on MONDAY to try and arrange. I agreed to seeing him one 1 condition…. he gets me flowers! I don’t recall him getting me flowers ( or anything really, hence we broke up on my birthday coz he GOT ME NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!) when we dated 4 years ago! WoooooSaaaaaaah! He said he’s a changed man and asked if I minded if he got me chocolate too…!
SO what happened yesterday…. nothing! No call, no apology, just a text at 11:23 pm saying ‘Larney’. Let me tell you that the zip is back up, found the button and I’m even wearing a chastity belt!!!!!!!! Men aint shit! I didn’t even throw a tantrum or ‘what the fuck happened to you?’ stunts like I used to… He felt bad, I guess, because he’s explaining he’s stuck elsewhere or something, I literally just said ok. Men aint shit!!
Then, Pretty-brown-eyes after resurrecting from the dead said he’d like to see me and he has since died again! Fuck men, no that’s good, Don’t fuck men! So I’m killing him again. Bye!Men are rubbish!
So my male bestie is hooking me up with a friend of his. Not sure what we’ll call him as I haven’t met him yet so he doesn’t have a ‘story’ yet. well…. we could call him divorcee because that’s his story but it’s not his story with me so he’s untitled for now. He already disappointed me but that’s all on me because I expect people to keep their word, silly me….. Ok it’s not that deep let me explain… My male bestie sold him to me, ‘he smells good, dresses well, very romantic, intelligent, loyal, just a good guy…..’ and I bought it, not completely. Let’s say it is on ‘lay-buy’. He was sold dreams too about me, I always find it shocking when people describe me. Male bestie forwarded me the text she sent to “Untitled” ...in a nutshell, she earns a good living, has her life together, 33, gym, travel, hike kinda girl, bonus you will enjoy wine, gin, hubbly together. Approach with caution she knows the game. overall great person and I think you’ll kick it nicely.
I laughed but appreciated how my male bestie sees me.
Fast forward a day later and I’m waiting for some form of communication from Untitled. He called me and we ended up talking for over an hour. It really was lovely and I got excited. We swapped pictures and he’s not my usual type. Well he’s actually my type but not my preference…. it is not the same thing. If you look at my exes, they are ‘not my types’ that I tried out! LMMO! What I say and do (figuratively and physically) are never the same thing! I’ve changed my preference so much that I don’t know anymore.
So we talked nicely, chat nicely and he asks what my weekend looks like, busy! My weekend will be super busy but I STATED VERY CLEARLY that I could make a plan for Friday. He said he’d plan something. This was on Wednesday night! last night, on Thursday, he was like ‘oh you said your weekend is busy hey? can we do wine tasting on the 17th?” Sure, its right up my alley… I guess Friday plans aren’t plans??? I didn’t push it. He said he wishes he’d told me when he actually had tickets because he’s worried he might disappoint??? Preemptive much??? Men aint shit!
So he’s 36, divorced his wife after being together since they were 19… can a relationship like that truly end??? He went back home to his mom and younger brother… red flag? He literally said he’s rediscovering himself… at 36??? He said he’s not in a space to date right now… who is? We just do it anyway.
At my big age of 33, I decided to get braces! The best and worst decision of my life. Best decision because we are in masks all day and very few people know about this brace face and by the time we don’t need masks (hopefully in the near near future) I’ll have a perfect smile! Worst decision because it’s costly and what if we are all dying anyway?
I had braces as a teen, worked for the most part but I wasn’t great at keeping my retainer on when I needed to, and so now, 20 years later, and definitely more vain, we are back to crooked bottom set.
I’ve had them on for a year exactly and I feel like the goal has been reached. My orthodontist doesn’t agree, she can milk me for 12 more months so why not???
I don’t recall how it felt as a teen but right now it sucks! Sucks a lot! I can’t skip the flossing like I used to, I have to take extra care when brushing otherwise I’ll have the spinach in there for days.
Dear Millennial Men, I know you’re tired of hearing it. You’ve got to be sick of hearing us say that “chivalry is dead.” I’m sure you think that any woman who feels this way must be just another spited feminist. But here’s the thing—it really is dead. Unless you fall into the less than 5% of […]
I bumped into Apple head twice this week. He so incredibly tall that it makes my panties wet! Or maybe I’m really bored. Sleeping with an ex doesn’t count right? It’s like retirement benefits. I gave him my numbers yesterday. Please don’t judge me because I’m already doing that. I down played it when I relayed it to mean sis. Apple head has a small penis, and to be honest, a small penis is what I need prefer. It’s the daily dick I can take. Not like YB who has a gigantic dick. Apple head’s dick is boyfriend dick…. YB’s dick is one night stand dick…. You follow?
I got a call from Gentle giant, see Uhm, so I lied a little. Yes, I’m blaming boredom again. Wait, I’m referring to horniness when I say I’m bored. I’m sexually bored. Goodness knows I’m eyeball deep with work, especially having 2 jobs!
SO GG called and asked me if I’d go away with him for the weekend? What the fuck? No. He looks like he doesn’t fuck, he looks like he makes love and its soft every time, all the time! NO!
I need to sleep with someone! I had montly sexcapades planned and I’ve hit 1/9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My vagina knows I’m alive because of the bike seats at gym. Nothing goes in there, plus I hate tampons so…..
I’m going to sleep with Apple head so that I don’t increase the body count and still get an outlet… If he pursues me hard enough! I was wondering why he wasn’t texting only to realise after a while that I had blocked him way back in 2017!LMMO
The universe has a sense of humor for sure because as I’m manifesting a man, I keep getting hit up by exes. I got a text from a guy I met from tinder in 2018!!!! We went of a few dates which were lovely because he paid for them all. Plus he picked me up all the time. I remember we had such a beautiful kiss at the end of one of the dates. I ghosted ( that’s my super power if you didn’t know) him because he talked about his ex like he adored her, which is not a bad thing but not something I wanted to know as a potential partner, plus he had a much older child, and this made me think he was much older than me. I suppose he’s bored too because what the hell?? 2018 was a lifetime ago. He said he was passing my area (after 3 years??? yeah right) and wondered if i still lived there… I did, I mean I do. This guy we’ll call Pretty Brown Eyes – PBE, becuase he really sent me ( wrote for ??) a song titled such! Men used to be so cheesy and I loved it.
I had that all these men from my past still find me at the spot they left me. Apple head was really my last ‘real relationship’. I’ve been single for 4 years! wow!
My male bestie said he has a dude for me… He’s recently divorced and moved back home. Great, yet another project.