After being single for almost a year ( I broke it off on my birthday in December *insert eye roll*) and extreme pressure from my sister ( apparently I’m antisocial, although I go out way more than she does) I agreed to open a Tinder account.
Firstly, I was so shocked that I saw a lot of people I personally know ( some are even married) and secondly, as I predicted, it was a short lived disaster.
Sit down and hold on to something because man, I had it rough!
The first guy I matched seemed pretty nice but very very eager, he asked for my numbers right off the bet… hmm okay, I reluctantly gave him because I figured.. “oh well, ultimately I’d have to give him anyway” and then the drama started. He called me and I put him of speaker obviously for my sister to listen in because she had a proud moment of success. The conversation went as follows…
Him: Hello there
Me: Hi *Dave how are you?
Him: I’m good. Thanks for giving me your numbers.
Me: You practically begged, I hope I don’t regret hahaha
Him: I have a surprise for you ..
Me: What do you mean? ( paranoia setting in) Are you at my apartment? Do you know where I live? Are you coming to kill me? What is it? ( nervous laugh)
Him: You are live on radio and we are doing a segment on how easy it is to get people’s number. Say hi to DJ *bla bla bla
DJ *bla bla bla: heeeey, you have been a great sport, can I say your name on air?
Me: Don’t you dare say my name. I don’t believe this.
DJ* bla bla bla: You look very beautiful to be single, good luck on your quest and be safe on those tinder streets.
I need to mention that my sister went from a state of shock to a state of hysterical laughter. Me on the other hand, I found the episode funny buy a little sad that *Dave wasn’t actually real. Tinder 1, Me,0!
Any normal person would quit Tinder at this point, I did, because I’m normal. 2 months later I was back to swiping. Silly me
Then I matched a guy who was in the country for the week, only now do I realize that most people use this as a potential excuse to ghost people should the date be crappy. Anyway, you can imagine how proud my sister was when I actually got dressed up and headed on a date. To cut the long story short, I ended up looking at pictures of the guy’s penis dressed up in different costumes because another tinder date of his was compiling a book.
It didn’t work out, and the pictures weren’t impressive either. Tinder 2, Me,0
Any normal person would quit Tinder at this point, I did, because I’m normal. 2 months later I was back to swiping. Silly me
This is the most recent and is probably the reason I should really really quit tinder.
I matched a lovely guy, sweet gentleman, well mannered, I was impressed. From the get go he said I looked familiar, turns out we grew up in the same area but along with 500 000 other people and I genuinely did not recognize him. He launched a full investigation on me, he later confessed. He sent me a picture of him and another guy and asked if I knew theother guy…. *insert major eye roll* here’s how the conversation went…
Him: Do you know the guy on the right?
Me: lol, yes I do.
Him: How do you know him?
Me: If you now know that I know that guy then you should know how I know him. He’s my ex, from 5 years ago.
Him: Well do you know that he is my cousin?
Me: oh! How would I have known? you and I have never been introduced, or have we? How did you recognize me?
Him: I think I saw you in one of his pictures or something… but only concluded after another cousin of mine confirmed it is you.
Blah blah blah, long story, we cancelled that date and the chats stopped. That particular ex was such a bore and to be honest, I wouldn’t even mention to people that we dated. I wonder if tinder cousin felt like my ex would be hurt if we dated ( I’d be flattered to know he’s still recovering from heartache of the breakup) or if I got bad mouthed and he was warned to run for his life….either way, I’m done with tinder
For now….
