oh Look-y Look-y, I’ve found THE ONE

I have had a date with the creepy, the short, the nasty and the broke… All compliments of Tinder.

But this time, this time I’ve struck it lucky. I have hit the jackpot, surprisingly I’m not even being sarcastic. I have met my match, my soul mate, my happily ever after.

Its funny how I was so reluctant to join Tinder, simply because I’ve yet to know (personally) of a couple that was triumphant from those dingy streets.

2 months ago, I was swiping right to every 5th guy ( because that was my strategy, I’ll explain in a later post ( or never) why).  Then to my surprise, it was a match with a guy who was very good looking. The usual thoughts came to mind….

‘He’s not real”

‘He probably wants me to text him first”

“I see car seats so he’s probably a married creep”

With all those thoughts, I decided to go to bed and see which of the matches showed signs of life. Next morning…. NOTHING

“Ok, tonight I’m doing the tinder laundry where I clean out the mute, freaks and ugly”. As I’m doing the tinder laundry, Cute guy says ‘Hi’ as I was about to throw him out. I greet him back and he says he “will be right back” 24 hours later, nothing.  The usual thoughts came to mind…

‘He’s not real”

‘He probably wants me to text him first”

“I see car seats so he’s probably a married creep”

As I’m about to delete him before he beats me to it, he texts he just landed halfway across the world from me. Sulked a bit  I won’t lie but the past 2 months have been amazing . Even single thing I thought about him, I couldn’t be more wrong.

 

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Who Pays for the First Date?

I want to print this and post it all over the world…

Protein Shakes and Bad Dates

Dating nowadays is tricky because with all of the politics and feminism going around, it’s not clear if the man or woman should pay for dinner. Our parents grew up with the expectation that the male will always pay, but our generation is fighting for equality (especially of money) and it seems to play a role in the dating world.

My first ever real date (e.g., with someone I didn’t know from school) was in graduate school and it immediately turned into a 2+ year relationship. We went to get a drink at a restaurant called Melt. I didn’t offer to pay. I briefly considered it, but I never did.

Months into the relationship, I asked him if I should have offered. He told me: yes, it’s always nice when the girl at least offers.

After we broke up, that response has stayed in my head. I was now back…

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Just my luck!

After being single for almost a year ( I broke it off on my birthday in December *insert eye roll*) and extreme pressure from my sister ( apparently I’m antisocial, although I go out way more than she does) I agreed to open a Tinder account.

Firstly, I was so shocked that I saw a lot of people I personally know ( some are even married) and secondly, as I predicted, it was a short lived disaster.

Sit down and hold on to something because man, I had it rough!

The first guy I matched seemed pretty nice but very very eager, he asked for my numbers right off the bet… hmm okay, I reluctantly gave him because I figured.. “oh well, ultimately I’d have to give him anyway”  and then the drama started. He called me and I put him of speaker obviously for my sister to listen in because she had a proud moment of success. The conversation went as follows…

Him: Hello there

Me: Hi *Dave how are you?

Him: I’m good. Thanks for giving me your numbers.

Me: You practically begged, I hope I don’t regret hahaha

Him: I have a surprise for you ..

Me: What do you mean? ( paranoia setting in)  Are you at my apartment? Do you know where I live? Are you coming to kill me? What is it? ( nervous laugh)

Him: You are live on radio and we are doing a segment on how easy it is to get people’s number. Say hi to DJ *bla bla bla

DJ *bla bla bla: heeeey, you have been a great sport, can I say your name on air?

Me: Don’t you dare say my name. I don’t believe this.

DJ* bla bla bla: You look very beautiful to be single, good luck on your quest and be safe on those tinder streets.

I need to mention that my sister went from a state of shock to a state of hysterical laughter. Me on the other hand, I found the episode funny buy a little sad that *Dave wasn’t actually real. Tinder 1, Me,0!

Any normal person would quit Tinder at this point, I did, because I’m normal. 2 months later I was back to swiping. Silly me

Then I matched a guy who was in the country for the week, only now do I realize that most people use this as a potential excuse to ghost people should the date be crappy. Anyway, you can imagine how proud my sister was when I actually got dressed up and headed on a date. To cut the long story short, I ended up looking at pictures of the guy’s penis dressed up in different costumes because another tinder date of his was compiling a book.

It didn’t work out, and the pictures weren’t impressive either. Tinder 2, Me,0

 

Any normal person would quit Tinder at this point, I did, because I’m normal. 2 months later I was back to swiping. Silly me

This is the most recent and is probably the reason I should really really quit tinder.

I matched a lovely guy, sweet gentleman, well mannered, I was impressed. From the get go he said I looked familiar, turns out we grew up in the same area but along with 500 000 other people and I genuinely did not recognize him. He launched a full investigation on me, he later confessed. He sent me a picture of him and another guy and asked if I knew theother guy…. *insert major eye roll* here’s how the conversation went…

 

Him: Do you know the guy on the right?

Me: lol, yes I do.

Him: How do you know him?

Me: If you now know that I know that guy then you should know  how I know him. He’s my ex, from 5 years ago. 

Him: Well do you know that he is my cousin?

Me: oh! How would I have known?  you and I have never been introduced, or have we? How did you recognize me?

Him: I think I saw you in one of his pictures or something… but only concluded after another cousin of mine confirmed it is you.

 

Blah blah blah, long story, we cancelled that date and the chats stopped. That particular ex was such  a bore and to be honest, I wouldn’t even mention to people that we dated. I wonder if tinder cousin felt like my ex would be hurt if we dated ( I’d be flattered to know he’s still recovering from heartache of the breakup) or if I got bad mouthed and he was warned to run for his life….either way, I’m done with tinder

For now….

Depression, our friend

I did a depression test online and was not surprised when it said that I suffer from severe depression. What surprised me is how no one else in my life sees this…

They say I’m moody, they say I’m mean, they say I shut people out… If only they knew the monsters in my head.

I just hope that one day, they never get to say:

“She should have spoken”

“We should have seen the sign”

Depression is like that elephant in the room that no one whats to address

Depression is like that horrible friend who’s there to highlight your failure

Depression is like  the bird that chirps at your window, except only you can hear it

Depression has no cure

Depression is your friend

My friend…

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t

Why is it that when you are single, you see happy couples and when you are in a relationship, you see happy singles?

Never in a million years did I think I would still be roaming the streets of the dating world at age 30. The fun is in the thrill of the chase but the problem is that, that chase doesn’t last. But how can it…? The prey and the predator both get tired. At that point, you have to now stroke each others egos and then realize a few months later when the masks fall, that you aren’t compatible.

I work full time and really do not have time to ‘learn and screen every’ Joe, Tim and David but having that glass of wine at the end of the day alone is no fun either.

So many TV shows have shown us that scientific matches, expert matches and even arranged matches DO NOT WORK.

“It will happen at the right time?”

“It will happen when you least expect it to.”

I’ve heard it all, I’ve quit the game and gotten back in it, I’ve swiped and agreed to blind dates…. nothing. Maybe companionship is not for me…. Then why do I still want it?

How do people get it right? How do I get it right?