What a fucking long year this week has been!

I almost turned my blog into a ‘are you sad? read to feel sadder’ situation. I sincerely apologise. This round of PMS got me on the brink of suicide, hell I almost went to therapy, not that there’s anything wrong with therapy but I’m not too far gone, I think, I hope.

You know when you want to cry and actually cry then the next day your period comes and you are like…. damn! I should have known, I’m not a damn cry baby, I’m a tough cookie! yeah, I went through one of those… pardon me.

I want to promise to never blog when I’m extremely vulnerable but that is exactly when my fingers want to dance on the keyboard while wiping off tears and snort, it’s hard! I don’t like that side of me being out there…. Hell I don’t like seeing that side of myself! Luckily it’s my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want.

I want to be real and raw as possible but on the other side, I want reveal my identity at some point so it is very difficult to choose a side. I’m too real though so I guess I’ve kind of chosen a side already? If anyone I know personally ever connected this blog to me, I’d be mortified.

I’m ok now, I have a new shiny toy to distract me. My little toy boy. He’s young. No, he’s young young, not just young, YOUNG young young. 10 years younger my gosh!!! LMMO! He has a job (radiographer), he bought a car AND a house AAAND he’s establishing a second company. He stays about an hour’s drive from me so this can be the perfect escape from my life. He has a massive dick, not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing because big dick needs muscle relaxants or an epidural to be honest!

Anyway, we met on tinder, when I was mentally insane, why else would anyone in their right mind be on tinder? He had lied about his age! Fast forward a week post the match, he caught 2 taxis and I picked him up and we went to a BnB that he booked. We drank and ate and I went to take a shower. I was not trying to seduce him honestly and he was so tired from the trip that he was the one who needed that shower more. He joined me…. we made out there and I was so shocked at the size of his dick, considering he is short, I think I might have screamed. We went to bed and spent the whole night trying positions that might accommodate him in my vagina and failed dismally. You’d think that’s why I ghosted him right? wrong! I ghosted because he looked up to me, like a mentor, he worships me and I inspire him a lot…. It sounds like a great set up but it annoyed me, plus he had a gf and, bless his tiny heart, he was so honest about everything!!! He told me his real age and I screamed again! I ghosted because why would a woman my age, be involved in a love triangle with kids? I didn’t have the energy to ‘talk it out’ with him. He would have thought I was asking him to leave his highschool sweetheart and worse, he would have done that. We ‘dated’ for a year…. well, we talked for a year and I vanished. We survived that year only on calls, it really didn’t even feel like a year. He adores me so much that it’s hard not to like him. I felt like letting a child go down on me was child abuse you guys, it felt good but a tiny big pedophilic… He was 21, legal age but still. I have students that I see as kids who are older than him! It was a mind fuck! A year later he’s back… and I’m bored. He has improved a lot, that’s what your 20s are for anyway… along with drinking and hosting friends and putting up stupid updates online and just childish behaviour because you are actually still a child. I shouldn’t put that against him. WHOOOSAAAAAHH! I’m gona try out all the stunt from erotica movies and books on him, all my fantasies really…. “Groom him” said my male bestie… Any I’m taking that advise.

I don’t know if I’m grooming him for me or as a great lover in general for his peers. Ok I’m grooming him to my preference in the time we are together. I am older than his 2 older siblings. LMMO!!!! You know how you remain a child in the eyes of your older siblings forever?? He will have to keep my age a secret from his family for a long time, which is hard because I think I look my age, dress my age, act my age, hell, even drive an age appropriate car…. Not a mom van like my other other peers but a “hmm, she’s rich and making it in life” type of car.

Anyway, just wanted to say I’m back, back to being me, back to testing the ‘dating’ waters…. I miss kissing so much, it’s been months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya, I’m back bitches!!!! Tripped and lost my mind a bit there but I’m back. I’m still not talking to my sister by the way and she’s annoying me with the “Tell me when you are over your little tantrum” comments….

I need a job….. FAR!

Damn, what a fucking year this week has been!!!

The end

Photo by Harrison Haines on Pexels.com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s