Sexcapade number 1!

So y’all know I had sex with the married guy right? Let me rephrase that, So y’all know I had wild sex with the married neighbour right…? Right! This was after a non voluntary celibacy of 9 months! Just to stroke his ego I said I had not had sex for the whole of 2020 because my ( non existent) fiancé was stuck in another country due to Covid ( I chose London if you are wondering). Anyway, 9 months is basically a year and considering the sex I had had was underwhelming way back then, it actually shouldn’t really be counted.

Sexcapade missions ahoy!!

Since I planned on sexcapades this year, I’m starting to shy away from that wild idea for the following reasons, 1. I’m very paranoid when it comes to sex. I always double up. I’m on birth control but always insist on condoms (for obvious reasons) but when I wasn’t on birth control back in March or any other time really, I’d take a morning after pill EVEN when we used condoms. I’ve heard of women getting pregnant from sitting on guys laps. Semen is very attracted to vagina and you can’t stop a determined swimmer! Plus, sperms are also patient, they can be alive in the women’s body for 10 days! So I’ve yet to recover from the wild weekend sex mentally because during the week, I missed a pill but doubled up the next day ( as suggested by the manufacturers, side note: I don’t see how this is for human use, or any animal for that matter, I mean I read the package insert again- paranoia and it clearly states that more women on the pill get cancer rather than those not on the pill, WTF! Common side effects include weight gain- WHO WANTS THAT, migraines, depression, abdominal pain, nausea, breast pain, uterine bleeding… honestly I need to get off this shit!) That was probably the Tuesday, or Wednesday… or Thursday?? See?? Anyway, I was not too worried because I didn’t know I’d have sex the Saturday!!!!!!! I take it to regulate my periods. I can miss a period for 5 months and then get it for 15 days! Anyway, Ok Fine we had sex and used condoms and then he pulled it off wanting a raw round! What the Fuck! I don’t play like that. This idiot poked my vagina and I reversed faster than the dancer on Sia’s – Chandelier music video. I almost climbed the ceiling, spider man style!

Anyway, that 1 second of vagina and naked penis contact, adding a missed pill, PLUS the Flo app telling me I was ovulating that exact day sent my paranoia and anxiety through the roof!! I do have a pregnancy test at home, I always do, because this paranoia is really deep so when is the earliest I can test? I can wait for my period because they should come in 11 days 😭😭😭
2. It takes me a whole week to recover from sex, physically. Not that I’m tired ( ok that too) but my vagina hurts. I feel like it is stretched open and HELD OPEN, I just want to sit with my legs spread open and a fan cooling me down. I can’t live like this

This cant be normal right? I’m still in a slight discomfort from the shenanigans that happened 3 DAYS AGO! I don’t know if I must get antibiotics but the issue is that you don’t want to do that when there isn’t an imbalance of the flora down there. What happens is that everything is wiped out, good and bad, then one nasty bug will find an empty house and take over with their dirty nasty cousins and then bigger problems arise. Another ‘issue’ is that I don’t like being fingered, I just let it happen. I’m a microbiologist so I sit there and name all the bacteria that’s getting acquainted from his hand to my vagina.. Don’t get me started with the tongue / mouth bacteria 😖😣.

Once I had a vaginal tear and TRUST ME IT’S THE WORST THING IN LIFE! I’m not even kidding! The guy wasn’t even that huge, and we had had sex countless times so maybe it was the new stroke game??? I was at the Dr so fast thinking I’m giving birth the spiked parasites. When I walked it felt like I had a million razor blades slicing me. Ok you get it.

SEE?? I’m in a pickle… I love sex in my head but my vagina doesn’t ( I feel like I’ve said vagina a million times sorry). Vaginas are different right? Like shapes and contours and stuff right? Some positions are better than others though,so maybe I must stick to that, figuring out what works for me, this means taking control and not just taking the poundings right? Feels like taking power back, I like this. Hmmmm, I think I’ve discovered I’m a lil dom…. hmmmm!

One thing thing that really calms me is obviously alcohol. I love drunk sex ( maybe because I don’t remember it much??) it really stops my mind from running at 100km/h and I genuinely relax but I’m off the bottle for now so now what?

Very important, do you think I should google abortion clinics, I’m not having a baby with a married man. I did put a picture of a baby bump on my vision board but I want a baby with MY MAN, MY HUSBAND, not this rented one. Universe don’t play like that! I know there’s zero chances that I’m pregnant, ok maybe 0.5% but I honestly can’t relax. How will I get off that nasty pill with such paranoia?? ( I feel like I’ve used the word paranoia a million times as well, sorry)



Edit 2 hours later:

I’ll never sleep with him again, even if I’m bored. This idiot just asked me for money ( first of all, you have never given me money or spent shit on me! Secondly, you have just found the quickest way to dry me up!) and all the 2% care I had for him just flew out the window! The damn audacity! WOW! NEXT!

10 thoughts on “Sexcapade number 1!

  1. Teboho says:

    Lol mr Big asked for cash..that was fast..but you need to keep yourself protected all the time during these sexcapade you owe it to yourself..and the tear guy was he small too or how did he tear then? I enjoy the read.

    • Larney says:

      Thanks for stopping by. The tear guy was ok sized, and he was my bf at the time and we had had good normal non invasive sex for a while. The tear happened because he was trying some new moves, it didn’t work!

  2. WHY ARE MEN LIKE THIS!!? Why do they think that they can ask a woman they are not dating for money? I’ll never understand this, EVER!!

  3. WTH. I say pay him to never ever ever ever make contact with you again! Now wondering if his wife is dead.

  4. datingemojis says:

    Whoaaaaaa I am worried about you taking the morning after pill like it’s candy. The more you take, the less effective it is. Also, the pill is awful, I’m on my fourth brand and on day 12 of my period!? Wtf! It’s supposed to regulate.

    Anyway, you will be fine. I don’t know how fertile you are but I know I’m not so I love the opposite and I’m just down right careless. Whoops. I’m learning a thing or two from you actually.

    If your vagina doesn’t want sex with this married rental man, then steer clear! I don’t think it’s worth all that mental anguish.

    Always, always, always wash and clean after sex. I’ve had too many UTIs due to my laziness after sex.

    Let’s help you find your next sex partner but make sure he’s not married. Where did his wifey go anyway??? Where’s her stuff in the apt?

    • Larney says:

      I know, i would go as far as asking my friend to go get the morning after pill for me because the pharmacy blocks you for some time if its too often. I’ve learned, hopefully with no permanent consequences. Let’s find an alternative to the pill, it’s really not ideal. IUD? I pray I’m fertile when I want to try for a baby!
      I’m done with the married rental. There’s plenty RESPECTFUL dick out there.

      I scanned that apartment and couldn’t even spot a hair in there. He says they are separated pending a divorce, I think she’s tired and probably knows he’s a cheating ass! But knowing men, she could have been home for the holidays or giving birth!

      • datingemojis says:

        Yikes you should stop taking it since my pharmacist friend said it’s less and less effective!
        I’m seriously going to ask my doc about an IUD, but NA is not worth it. I hate him. Everyone hates him. He probably hates himself.
        I wouldn’t be surprised about that married man lying. They all lie!

      • Larney says:

        I’m on the pill, have been ( mostly consistent ) for 2 years or so but since i don’t have regular sex ( twice a year at the most) I have no paranoia. I refuse to talk about NA!

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